"Nobody seems to notice I can’t handle this loss on my own.” /// r.i.d

"Nobody seems to notice I can’t handle this loss on my own.” /// r.i.d

The only time I realize just how fucked up it was that we fell in love is when my mouth tastes like whiskey.
inkskinned, (r.i.d.)
Daddy says, “go out and get a boyfriend” probably somebody with eyes like a stingray probably somebody that builds things probably somebody who would go bald by thirty
but daddy her eyes are better than poetry and i think my ears are addicted to how she sings in the shower while water holds her curves the way my fingers always want to and i’m fucking obsessed with how she’ll laugh while kissing you because she just thought of a joke she’s heard and she lets me cook dinner even when i burn it and when she curls up next to me i finally feel like i’m home and maybe we don’t have much between us but our love is a running start and maybe she can’t fix a car
but she sure as hell healed my heart.
"Her beautiful blue-grey eyes and dark hair, kindness, compassion… I think about her every day.” /// r.i.d

“… What if he never loves me again…?” /// (r.i.d)

… What if he never loves me again…?” /// (r.i.d)


"He told he can’t see himself loving anyone else and just a month later he was with a new girl.” (r.i.d)

"He told he can’t see himself loving anyone else and just a month later he was with a new girl.” (r.i.d)


“I know its wrong but Im in love with him and I’m letting him use me.” (r.i.d)

I know its wrong but Im in love with him and I’m letting him use me.” (r.i.d)

we just want to hug our families again without
worrying they’ll notice we reek of our own
disappointment
— the always-brilliant inkskinned (via recovery-from-myself)
It’s three o’clock in the morning
and my heart feels empty because
you are not beside me
and i miss you than i could explain
but good lord even though i want you,
i hate that i do i mean i hate
that i miss you
because i mean
nothing
to you.
"My partner and I broke up and it’s really hard for me.” /// r.i.d

see what people don’t get
is that you can be doing okay for
days weeks months
and all it takes is one word, one look,
one wrong thing
and suddenly your body becomes an avalanche,
you become a disaster zone and
winter retakes your soul

and girls like me, we walk around with caution tape around
our fingers, with hearts so heavy that our arms
are sick of dragging them along with us, we are
cities that are constantly in danger
of being set on fire
i mean what if your own mind was the reason
you couldn’t sleep
what if you woke up this morning because your brain was
talking too loudly, what if the only time you feel
good about yourself
is when you feel
empty

and boys like me and people like me and
rabbit-hearted lovers who just want to feel
the morning sun
without wondering if we should start our workouts now, who
just want to hug our families again without
worrying they’ll notice we reek of our own
disappointment,
who just want to go to our friend’s house without
turning down every food offered only to
offend her:
we are so afraid of what will happen -
of what does happen -
when we slip for a second and our control
goes spiraling
so we give into every word the voices in our head
are saying, we give up our thick hair
we give up our strong bones, we give up
calling this body
our home
in search of an image that’s been
sold to us so strongly
we’d give up our everything
just to feel
wanted

and broken little human beings like me
we live like tornadoes and too-calm seas,
trapped in a horrific dance between
a beautiful and inspiring recovery and
opening our windows just to feel
the breeze and finding ourselves
stepping out on that ledge,
a deeper hunger in our hearts
than anyone ever sees: this
odd and sudden need
to just become a brittle white
chalk outline
to paint these empty streets.

For the person who requested a poem about how addicting eating disorders can be. /// r.i.d

“I’m starting to wonder why I had feelings for you in the first place.” (r.i.d)

I’m starting to wonder why I had feelings for you in the first place.” (r.i.d)

it-hurts-because-its-real:

I love this quote so much so I just decided to make a quote picture of it (using quotescover). Really, I just love all her writing so much. 

it-hurts-because-its-real:

I love this quote so much so I just decided to make a quote picture of it (using quotescover). Really, I just love all her writing so much. 

Because sometimes everything hurts.
And that’s okay.
Be sad. Listen to sad country music. Read sad poetry. Drink tea and eat ice cream. Cuddle in your favorite sweatshirt and cry.
But do not stay in that state.
Embrace the sadness, never let anyone tell you that your sadness is not justified. But after you’ve embraced it, move on.
Be happy. And if you can’t be happy quite yet, settle for being okay.
Listen to your favorite song over and over again at a ridiculously loud volume. Read your favorite book. Drink tea and eat ice cream. Wear your favorite sweatshirt and smile.
Because it gets better.
Eventually.
Maybe.
We can never break permanently because there will always be duct tape.
And that’s okay.
— For inkskinned, because you were the first person in a long time who told me my poetry wasn’t complete shit, no matter how inadvertently 
Never let your girl stand out in a thunderstorm too long, it will become her resurrection. The wind and bassdrum of water is the same thing as CPR, 32 beats before she leans her head back and laughs in a way that sounds like she’s finally alive. The lightning will be a defibrillator right across her brainstem and her eyes will become full of an unbearable brightness, too powerful to stare into and too beautiful to turn away from. She has become witch in that instant as if her whole body is trembling with a magic so potent it could atomize her, as if the only thing tying her to her personhood is just her skin. All else has become a tempest.
Please. Don’t you know that lightning burns five times hotter than the sun? You will see her like that with her wild nature exploding from her cautious one - you will see her like that, that perfect moment of being recklessly undone - and she will burn herself into you for an eternity. You cannot stare into the heart of that and not just fall in love.
You will hear her every time it rains, every time the wind blows. You will think of that wonderful, terrifying joy. For that moment, you wondered if her smile is the reason the sky sends storms. /// r.i.d

My god your head is so full of stars you could
practically illuminate the whole goddamn sky and
it’s not your fault that the haze is getting you down but
I want to be able to walk up to you and savour this
glory you hold without the world dimming you down;

I want you to live, not just be alive.

Because we never start off in the best of situations but we make it anyhow || H.X.L (via yourblueheaven)

this is far too lovely a gift thank you so much ah